I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
