Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
