Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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