the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
