There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Randomize
