Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
