There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
