my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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