Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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