Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
