Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
