Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
