Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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