I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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