I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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