I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
