Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
