i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
