You really coming over, don't trick.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
