Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
