my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
