The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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