I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
