Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
