Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
