im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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