Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
