I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
