Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
