Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
not ubering you a puppy
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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