I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
