I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
