I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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