Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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