is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
