Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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