Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
