I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
