i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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