She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
