after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
