It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
