i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
