Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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