how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
