Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
