Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
