I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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