I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
