if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
