i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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