Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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