...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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