Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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