you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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