I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
